Just Let Go.

Benita Anand
Oct 8, 2019
7 min read

Updated: Jan 22, 2021

Okay, come on.

How long are you gonna hold onto that? That guy who hurt you? That girl who broke you? That person who doesn't give a crap about you? That problem which isn't worth even an ounce of your attention?

You need to let it go.

I'm a pretty nice person. Don't mean to boast, but I think I can go preeeety far in life; I got it all - good qualities, seriously awesome fam, the looks (*flips hair*), the brains, and most importantly - a kind heart. I can be successful, and I am totally capable of ranking first in class.

But.

I always, and I mean always, hold onto small issues. I hold onto people who don't care about me. I hold onto issues that need 'letting go'.

I had a bad habit of holding onto toxic stuff. By holding onto these, I myself was being held back from achieving my greatest potential. Why? Because, when you hold onto small issues, toxic relationships, and just about anything that does not deserve your undivided attention, you tend to overthink. You tend to start worrying. This worrying leads to stress, frustration, depression, and finally you just lose your shit.

For example, something happened recently. This person was not for me but I just held onto him so badly. Then something happened between me and this person. Now, he said "It's ok, mistakes happen. Just let it go, Beni." He smiled and laughed and tried to make things go back to the way it was. I pretended things were normal, but in reality I just couldn't accept the way things went down between us that evening. I started to overthink. I started to think of the possible ways that situation could've gone instead of how it really went down. I started to worry, and the thing was, he had moved on and had started to text me and call me like everything's normal. The truth was - I wasn't ready to accept that incident. I wasn't ready to let go of what had happened.

It took a toll on me. I couldn't tell anyone what happened that day and I kept thinking about it because I couldn't accept it and let go. I started to lose my appetite and focus in class and in my current surrounding situations, like, I didn't listen to my parents talking to me (cuz my mind was on that stupid worthless incident) or didn't remember what my teacher had said about physics the previous hour. I began to sacrifice my present for my unalterable past. And that too over another homo sapien who's approximately 7,044.2 km away from me.

Just think about it. It had already happened and I could not change a single minute of what went down that evening by worrying so much and not letting go. Isn't that stupid?

Ask yourself that question. "Am I able to change a single thing about this problem/toxic person by worrying?" "Is it worth sacrificing my attention and appetite?"

That person may have hurt me, but he taught me an important lesson -

Just let go.

If you can't do something about a situation, like if it's out of your control or if it's in the past, or if you can't change a person, or if someone keeps hurting you on and on and y'all don't click - let them go. Let him/her go if you know they're not for you. Let your past go and just accept what happened if you can't do a darn thing to change it.

Hey, if you can change it and get justice or something, props to you. But if you're just sitting and speculating and worrying about how things could've gone or if someone's hurting you constantly and nothing is changing, and especially if its affecting your health and peace of mind ands stuff, then you know that its time to let go.

So listen up - its hard. I get it. But you gotta take it step by step. And I think I can help.

1) If its a toxic relationship/friendship (s):

- Keep distance from these kind of people. Staying around them just makes everything ten times worse.

- Try to get rid of stuff that may remind you of them. For example,I had photos with this guy, and kept it as my wallpaper and profile pic and all that. I took all of that down and switched them with pictures of me and and my family and people who genuinely care about me and make me feel good.

You can keep those pictures as memories (like I didn't delete the pics with him but I don't keep them in places which I often look at like my lock screen and bedroom picture frames) but don't set those pictures as your wallpaper or keep them somewhere you often look at. This would often remind you of that person and you may start to think about them constantly no matter how hard you try to get them off your head, which will make it super hard to let go of them eventually.

If you got clothes, books, songs, or any damn thing that could remind you of them, just keep them aside for a while. I say 'for a while' cuz you can go back to them but first, you need to be able to not be reminded of those people when you see those stuff or ever use any of them again.

- Spend time with people who care about you. Yo, this is so ironic - did you realise that we ignore the people who love us and love the people who ignore us? Now that's a fact if I've ever heard one. These people who hurt you or leave you feeling empty? They don't actually give two shits about you. So let em go, and go after people who care. Turn to your family and parents. It's hard spending time with parents if you're a teen (I've been there peeps) but try. Give it a shot. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for my mom and dad and trust me, they act like teens sometimes too (gosh, so gossipy and annoying) but they're cool. I can't believe I'd admit this but they're actually great best friend material than people in my class. For most, this won't be the case, so you can turn to anyone else in the family, like siblings and cousins too.

If not family, you got other humans too. Spend time with friends who care. But if you don't got any of that kind, make new friends. Make better, I-do-give-a-shit-about-you friends. And make sure these will last, and won't be toxic like the people who you're trying to get over.

- Distract yourself. Do something you love. Keep yourself occupied with some work, probs your homework or just some hobby yours.

Whenever I get thoughts about that person, I just pop my earphones in and play loud blaring music and either dance like I've lost it, or draw something, or just finish up my homework and try to stay focused on it. And if I still have time left with nothing to do, I just watch random stuff on youtube or watch movies.

We begin to think about people and worry and stuff when our mind is blank. If our mind isn't preoccupied, then thoughts will fill them up. And these thoughts are 99.9% of the time negative ones. If you don't give space and time for these thoughts about those people to enter your head, then it'll be easy for you to let go of them soon.

2) If its a tough situation/problem:

- Analyse the issue. Think differently and ask questions where you can actually get answers. Who started it? How and when did it begin? How drastically has it affected me so far?

When this incident happened and I couldn't get over it, I sat down and started thinking - has this affected me too badly or am I just overthinking? Is it my fault that this happened?

Don't think like - "oh what if I had said this, then this wouldn't have happened...what if she did that then this wouldn't have come to this point..."

There's no point in sitting, regretting and overthinking about what happened. Just analyse, not overthink. Think like - "Okay, did this affect me badly? If it did, what can I do get rid of its effects? If not, how can I forget this and move on?

- See if a solution can actually be found. When I actually thought about it, I realised that nothing could be done to change what happened between me and this person. What's done has been done and it can't be changed, so the only option is to let it go and move on cuz, seriously- is there a single thing I can alter about the past when this person is miles away from me and when this problem is just really irrelevant and minor?

Sometimes when you really think, you realise how small an issue is and that it's not the end of the world. You just have to move on if its a tiny, silly problem. If it's not life-threatening or anything, then its definitely not worth your time and energy.

But sometimes if something can be done and sorted out, then for God's sake, turn your thoughts into actions. Don't just sit on your frickin couch and be like 'oh, what if I say this, then this could all be sorted out', instead get up and actually do something about it so you can let go and move on.